I was
contemplating life as a homeschooler the other day. Usually the beginning of a school year is
filled with excitement for me. A new
year filled with possibilities and learning; new history eras to study and
science topics to discover; the joy of watching my children daily grow and
morph into these wonderfully creative, curious, capable humans.
This year is
a little different.
This year my
eldest enters the high school years.
I’d be lying
if I said I wasn’t a little daunted by that fact. The ugly, honest truth is I’m quite terrified. What if I mess this up? What if I keep the wrong records or not
enough? Am I preparing him to be the best
he can be? Am I teaching the right
things, encouraging the right traits, and choosing the right battles?
And my baby,
the middle-school guy coming up behind him…I don’t want to short change him in
my effort to do all. the. right. things. with the high schooler.
And that’s
when it happens. That’s when I question
whether this homeschool journey that has been such an integral part of my being
and our family’s existence for so long is really the right path to take.
Maybe, just
maybe, regular high school IS the way to go.
My husband and I were public school kids and we turned out relatively
okay…didn’t we? I mean, in public school
it’s all planned out; the well worn path is in place. It’s the way it’s been all of my life and for
my parents before that. Why not? It’s the way most everybody does it…why not
go with the flow?
Maybe, I can’t
do this. Maybe, I don’t have to do
this. Maybe, I shouldn’t do this.
Doubt. Fear.
Worry. The anxieties sink in deeper
and deeper with an overwhelming crush.
The ever helpful internet will be happy to provide me with a thousand
and one reasons by experts, laymen, and everyone in between on why this fringe
homeschool movement is ruining our children.
Why it is selfish. Why it is
poorly thought out.
All the
reasons why I can’t and shouldn’t do this.
But then,
mercy and grace fall. In a moment of silent
prayer, crying out to the One, the Creator, the Sustainer, He who IS Peace…the
doubts, the critics, the worries, the challenges, and the attacks are
stopped. I am wrapped in my Father’s
love and He reminds me why.
Why I
can. Why I should. And why I want to choose to do this.
Because I am
called. And because I am called, I am
equipped.
It may not
be perfect. It may be messy and crazy
and difficult and overwhelming at times.
But it is mine and I am not alone.
I am guided, and walked with, and readied for just this purpose that He
has called me to. And in my obedience I
will be blessed. Blessed with the joy of
watching my children learn. Blessed with
the time I am able to spend with them.
Blessed as my heart overflows watching them blossom into godly young men
with a will and a desire for Him. Blessed
as I turn these two boys and their training over to the only One who could ever
meet their every need and prepare them for every path, challenge, and
opportunity that lies ahead.
I realize I am
called to be the salmon in this area of my life. It may not be easy and I will fight against
the swift current; beating myself on the rocks some days to complete the
journey that has been written into my very being. There will be bears and predators who will try
to stop me along the way; but there will also be protection and most of all, joy. Joy in the journey and joy when I finally
see my Lord and can stand before Him knowing that I obeyed His call and swam
diligently in the river.
I lift my
head and find Peace has driven out the anxieties. Where there was fear and worry now lives hope
and, yes, even excitement. I can give
you a thousand and one reasons why I should and can homeschool…but there is really
only one that matters.
There will
be days when the current is strong, but I am encouraged and renewed to
continue. I can do this. I will do this. We will do this together, in God’s plan, and
we will do it well. I know it’s not His
plan for everyone, but it has been made abundantly clear through the years that
it is His plan for us.
I am reminded
that he has faithfully provided for us at every point on this journey. In Psalm 32 He promises, “I will instruct you
and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” In Proverbs 3:5-6 we are told, “Trust in the
LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He
shall direct your path.”
We are all
called to be the salmon in different ways.
My prayer is that we would passionately seek His will and be steadfast and obedient to
it; trusting in Him to fulfill his promises and allowing Him to direct our
paths...even when those paths are so different from from the family, friends, and world around us at times.
For my
fellow homeschooling moms, may your new school year be filled to the brim with
blessings, encouragements, and glimpses of God at work in your children’s
hearts and minds. May you feel His hand
guiding you and filling them with every good and perfect gift. It’s a challenging swim…but it is worth every single moment you can put into it.
Trust. Faith. Believe. And swim on strong and joyful for you were made for this.